Hot Ice reporting in. Let's get right to the matchups:
MATCHUP 1: ROAD BABES DEFEAT HOT ICE CONSERVATORS, 6-4-0
The Babes continued their march up the standings, moving to 3 games over .500 with a victory over the beleaguered Hot Ice squad. The relatively tight score was indicative of the closeness of the race -- going into Sunday, 5 categories were still in play and it was only some last minute production from Hot Ice that saved this from being a 7-3 or 8-2 matchup.
THE GOOD -- The Babes continued to smash the cover off the ball, moving into a tie with Scuffie McGee for the league lead in homers with 66. Two weeks after putting up a monster 18 homer week, including a brutal day against Float It, the Babes look poised to challenge the single-week home run record at some point this season and are truly living up to their name.
THE BAD -- Hot Ice again received no contribution from his closing "staff," which now consists of only a beleaguered Todd Jones after losing 3 closers to injuries this year. His single save tied for lowest in the league, and he now has a staggeringly low 8 saves on the year (compared to a league leader with 4x as many).
THE UGLY -- Hot Ice again lost, and moved to 12 games under .500 on the year and tied for last place. This continues a 5 week losing streak, matching (I believe) the longest futility streak to begin a season ever.
MATCHUP 2: SHIRTS OF JACK BRADFIELD DEFEAT SALISBURY STEAKS, 6-4-0
Another 6-4 matchup that gave way to the same results seen before -- the rich get richer, while the beleaguered get more beleaguered-er. Salisbury suffered another loss, dropping to last in the league along with the man he once faced in the league championship, Hot Ice. Salisbury had a good Sunday, but it wasn't quite enough to get the all-important 'W' in his column.
THE GOOD -- SoJB continued to put up great numbers across the board, showing a balance that remains key to teams with championship aspirations. His 63 Ks were a league high, he posted a sub 2.75 ERA and sub 1.10 WHIP, along with the 2nd most RBIs and 2nd best AVG in the league.
THE BAD -- Salisbury continued to struggle and now is near the bottom of the league in many categories. He ranks 9th in runs, 8th in homers, 9th in RBIs, 8th in steals, and last in average. Pitching isn't much better, as Salisbury brings up the rear in Wins and Saves.
THE UGLY -- As if Salisbury's troubles weren't grave enough, #1 pick Alex Rodriguez hit the DL this week, with some speculation that he could be out until after the All-Star break. It will truly take a Herculean effort for the Steaks to recover.
MATCHUP 3: THE THREE R's DEFEAT GARY BUSEY, 6-3-1
In what was otherwise a week where the favorites won and underdogs were punished, Gary Busey fell back to .500 with an unfortunate loss to the Three R's, who jumped out of the cellar and actually ROSE to 11 games under .500. However, Both these teams will need to pick up the pace in the coming weeks as the competition only gets stiffer.
THE GOOD -- The Three R's put together an extremely solid pitching week across the board, led by a league-high 7 wins and 2.25 ERA. They also clobbered 14 homers, good for second best in the league. This was especially impressive given that The Three R's rank towards the bottom of the league in most pitching categories.
THE BAD -- Not actually much bad to report, as Busey put up a pretty average week across the board and ran into a hot team. If there's one area to improve, it's AVG, where Busey ranks 9th in the league, in front of only (you guessed it) the much-maligned Salisbury Steaks.
THE UGLY -- Busey's terrible team name continues to drag on his record. Despite ranking in the top half of the league in 7 categories, Busey is only a .500 team. Some estimate that his name may have cost him at least 4 games in the standings.
MATCHUP 4: THE SCUFFIE MCGEE DEFEATS FASTBALLS FOR BREAKFAST, 7-2-1
In what, as previously mentioned, was a bad week for betting on the underdogs (see: Kentucky Derby), League Leader at 17 games over .500 Scuffie demolished Fastballs by the biggest margin of the week. The F'Balls fell back to .500 to become tied for 5th with Gary Busey, continuing a trend established this season where single managers are absolutely dominating those with engagements or live-in girlfriends, increasing the liklihood that half of us will be divorced several times by 2020 in an attempt to capture fantasy glory.
THE GOOD -- Everything was once again firing on full cylinders for Scuffie, who posted solid (if unspectacular) offensive numbers across the board (led by a league-high 11 steals) and a great pitching week, with 51 Ks, 6 saves, and awesome ERA (2.29, 2nd place) and WHIP (0.98, 1st). Voted the "league ninja" not too long ago, Scuffie continues to assassinate his opponents viciously, gaining much infamy in the process.
THE BAD -- The Fastballs were done in by poor pitching, as Scuffie completed the unbeaten week across the throwing categories. They were also 9th in the league in home runs. But the Fastballs have reason to be optimistic, as they still rank basically at league-average in most categories. More than anything else, this result came about because of Scuffie's dominance.
THE UGLY -- After his standout rookie effort to capture the hallowed Murphy Memorial trophy was stopped last year by GM Cetrulo, the Fastballs have been suffering from a bit of a sophomore slump. Although we at Murphy Memorial don't believe in curses, this is something to bear watching as the season continues.
MATCHUP 5: CRACKER JACKS TIES FLOAT IT, 4-4-2
In our final matchup we saw veteran South African Commissioner McNulty battle to a standstill with the ever tenacious (and league genius) Sands. Although this matchup ended in a tie with both fighters bruised and battered, it was a contest of extremes. The Jacks put up league highs in runs and RBIs and swept (with a tie in steals) the offensive categories, while Float It put up solid pitching numbers that easily trumped the Jacks' extremely mediocre pitching week. End result? A sweep of offense for the Jacks, a sweep of pitching for Float it, and a tie.
THE GOOD -- As mentioned above, both teams dominated their respective areas this week. This was a bit of a surprise for Float It, who is good but not exceptional in pitching, but positively matter-of-the-fact for Cracker Jacks, who are absolutely unearthly in their offensive performance this year. In fact, some of these could be record breaking paces...through 5 weeks, the Jacks LEAD THE LEAGUE in 4 of the 5 offensive categories -- Runs, RBIs, steals, and Average.
THE BAD -- Were we just talking about the Jacks offensive dominance? His pitching deficiencies are just as glaring; he is 9th or 10th in 4 of the 5 pitching categories. While it is a time-accepted strategy to punt saves or steals, generally teams don't win championships by punting pitching. The poll question of this week was whether the Jacks are legit -- the better question should be whether an unloading of some of the offensive firepower for pitching help could add legitimacy.
THE UGLY -- In such a good matchup, there isn't too much ugliness to talk about. The ugliest thing in this matchup? That the Jacks continue to produce with clubhouse cancer Carl Crawford in their lineup. Something has got to give.
Well, league, that's another week in Murphy Memorial. Stay tuned next week as we look to answer a multitude of lingering questions. Will love conquer all and bring the married man out of the cellar? Are the Jacks legit? Will Freund continue to enjoy a bong each week, whether the Bong of Victory or one of his own making? All this and more, next week, in the Murphy Memorial League.
-Hot Ice
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