Week 3

Last week in Murphy Memorial was a serious barnburner—some matchups went to the very last pitch and others perhaps beyond that, in fear of the dreaded stat correction. On top of all this, the standings were completely flipped on their head.

The biggest mover of the week was Fastballs for Breakfast, who leapt out of the cellar and into a very respectable 4th place with his thumping of The Three R’s 8-2. When GM Houghteling was asked whether it was particularly difficult to lose to a fellow A’s fan and erstwhile Bay Area Resident, he responded, “Has Hoffman given up his A's fandom to become a better fantasy competitor? I don't know, but I'm going to ask it in a provocative way.” About the loss in general, GM Houghteling took a philosophical stance, perhaps ironic given his opponent. “You think losing gets easier over the years. It doesn't. This one hurts as bad as the first 9-1 drubbing I ever endured as ‘Chavy and the 3 Aces’ back in the Spring of 2004.” Unfortunately, The Three R’s have taken up residence in the cellar, but remain within striking distance of 7th place.

GM Hoffman was confident in his team’s victory, heaping on the self praise. : “It's exhilarating. I know that my team has what it takes to contend for a playoff spot, but after suffering the worst loss in franchise history in Week 1, and having my two aces (Bedard and Kazmir) on the DL, I thought it would take me all season to regain a respectable spot in the standings.”

He continued, ”I've made more player transactions than any other team in the league so far, and that's the reason I've been able to succeed despite a decimated pitching staff, no top-15 stars, and some under-performing players.” Beware the pride before the fall, young man.

In other action, Hot Ice Conservators was decimated by injuries throughout the week, losing two closers (Borowski and Moylan), MVP Jimmy Rollins, and speedster Howie Kendrick. Plus, Miguel Tejada was exposed to be the dirty dirty liar that he is. GM Kreicher had no comment, and GM Iafe was unavailable. The defeat was particularly difficult to swallow because of an apparent tie in Avg, which was ultimately given to Meat.

The same sort of tie happened in the matchup between The Scuffie McGee and GB=CS, but here the awarding of WHIP to GB=CS was particularly painful, since it threw the matchup into a 5-4-1 loss for Scuffie McGee. GM Sigel sounded much like tennis great John McEnroe, sporting his traditional headband while selling textiles in South America, when he commented, “I can’t believe it gave him whip when we were both at 1.02. IT CAN’T BE SERIOUS! Can’t we just round and call it a tie? IT CANNOT BE SERIOUS!” After which, GM Sigel smashed his keyboard on the nearby llama and stormed off.

Road Babes vs. Float it was a boring match. GM Freund “couldn’t be prouder of the Babes. They truly lived up to their name last week.” Notable was the record setting 8 HR day, followed shortly thereafter by a second multi homer game by Chipper, who it has been proven, is the devil incarnate. Other than that, this matchup was neither too close nor too much of a massacre to warrant too much focus. It was a simple case of GM McNulty running into a freight train and putting up a good fight.

Finally, we get to the best team in the league: mine. It’s true! Have you looked at the standings? I’m on top. What’s going on here? Cats are chasing dogs. Lambs are lying down with lions. Kreicher is sending out conciliatory, all inclusive e-mails. Has the world gone mad?

No, dear friends, it hasn’t, and surely I will soon be back in my rightful place. But do I think it is mere coincidence that I was assigned to write the wrap up the same week that I ascend to heights never seen before? No. it is my chance to bask. Sure they say to act like you been there before and that the classy thing is to be gracious in victory and defeat. Screw that noise. Did you see how many RBIs I had last week? 68. Jesus I’m good. Sadly, Shirts of Jack Bradfield was able to tie HR and put SB out of reach with a Sunday surge with 3 HR and 3 SB. Pity he had to ruin my victory.

That’s the week in Murphy. Good luck with the coming week everyone. And by everyone, I mean, all you who are competing for second place.