MM '08 Openning Chock Full of Headlines

PITTSBURGH, PA. The first week of the 2008 MLB season and the the 5th annual Murphy Memorial Fantasy Baseball League saw no fewer than three opening days. It featured back-to-back injuries to two guys named Martinez, which further crippled the projected "statistically worst team in the league," and marked the emergence a superpower the likes of which the league has not seen in years.

More stupefying still, the Baltimore Orioles finished the week atop the AL East, sporting the best record in the American League.

But none of that mattered.

"The ESPN vs. Yahoo! vote was a travesty," wrote insurrectionary pro-Yahoo! advocate GM Kreicher in an iChat conversation this morning. "The results of such a foolish decision will no doubt be felt for the remainder of the season."

At the 2007 Winter Summit in Brooklyn, NY, the league voted by a margin of 7-3 to stick with the ESPN platform despite the Evil Reset of April 2007. When similar problems seemed to be brewing again, a Hezbollah-like splinter faction of rogue GM's began to advocate a radical course of action: overturn the Summit vote and switch to Yahoo! immediately.

This proposal gained mainstream credibility when it was championed by GM and League Commissioner McNulty.

"Obviously, we decided on this shit at the summit, and maybe should have done more research," wrote McNulty in a communiqué to the league on April 2. "Yes, the transition will be a slight pain in the ass. But we really are acting like an abused wife here with ESPN. How long are we going to stay with the drunk, abusive, good-looking husband who makes lots of excuses and apologies?"

The ensuing debate about the relative merits of the two platforms was drowned out by a discussion of even greater consequence. There seemed to be no precedent for revisiting a decision of this magnitude. At issue was the very character of Murphy Memorial democracy.

In this moment of constitutional crisis, GM Iafe, Esquire, entered the fray and offered the first legal opinion in the history of Murphy memorial. His conclusion met with nearly universal approval.

"The best solution would be for us take the 62.5% voting requirement," wrote Iafe, "but allot [GM] Kellan [McNulty] two votes: one as GM McNulty, and one as Commissioner McNulty. This is the best plan b/c it employs both the numbers precedents [set by past votes] and the added weight given to our Commissioner's discretion."

Many called for GM Iafe to be officially elected as Chief Justice, Supreme Murphy Court, at the 2008 Winter Summit.

When all of the votes had been cast, the league again decided by a vote of 7-3 that it would remain with the hunky but domineering software offered by the Worldwide Leader.

When asked his feelings about this result, GM Kreicher wrote, "I think the vote was already decided by a shadow coalition of ESPN voters behind the scenes." But he added, hopefully, "I think we've already seen the failures of ESPN, and next year we will make a more appropriate decision at the [2008 Winter] Summit."