Week 11

Gridlock was the theme this week in Murphy Memorial, as all but one matchup was decided by one category or fewer. Here were the results:

1 The Scuffie McGee vs. 7 Salisbury Steaks (5-5)

2 Cracker Jacks vs. 10 The Three R's (5-4)

3 Shirts of Jack Bradfield vs. 9 The Hot Ice Conservators (6-3)

4 Gary Busey is Chet Steadman vs. 5 Float it (4-5)

6 Road Babes vs. 8 Fastballs for Breakfast (5-5)

Since everyone basically tied each other this week, I've decided to focus on the memorable infividual performances from the week that was.


Offensive MVPs

Grady Sizemore, SCUF
8/26, 7 R, 5 HR, 8 RBI, 1 SB, .308

Sizemore had an all around class-act of a week, though his efforts were in vain as Scuffie dropped all five offensive categories by razor thin margins to the scrappy Steaks.

Willy Taveras, MEAT
6/20, 2 R, 1 HR, 3 RBI, 9 SB, .300

Taveras' sensational week included a 5-steal game, and 8 of his 9 steals came while in the Steak's lineup. The Steaks needed every one of those swipes as they took the category from Scuffie 14-13.


Offensive Goats

Hunter Pence, CRAX
2/23, .087, No other fucking stats at all.

The Jacks were weighted down by this horrid week by youngster (and former Bermuda Triangles prospect) Pence, collecting 19 of his at-bats (including both hits) on the official scoreboard. The Jacks fared well despite Hunter's struggles, talking 4 out of 5 offensive categories from flaccid Three R's.

Michael Young, SCUF
2/24, 2R, 0 HR, 1 RBI, 0 SB, .083

Scuffie absorbed all of the shit that soaked into Young's bed this week, as Young was a major reason Scuffie didn't have a customarily big week.


Pitching MVP

C.C. Sabathia, GBCS
2-0, 17 IP, 15 K, 1.59 ERA, 0.71 WHIP

After a putrid start to the season, Sabathia is finally living up to his name. Unfortunately, C.C.'s stellar performances this week went to waste, as Busey lost every pitching category except saves.


Pitching Goats

Todd Wellemeyer, T3R
0-1, 3.1 IP, 8 ER, 3 K, 21.60 ERA, 3.30 WHIP

Wow. Good thing for GM Houghteling that Welley was planted firmly on the bench, allowing him to maintain pristine ratios of 2.87 and 1.25 for the week. Philly scored 20 runs against Wellemeyer's Reds in his start this week

Brad Penny, FAST
0-1, 3.2 IP, 7 ER, 0 K, 17.18 ERA, 2.45 WHIP

Brad Penny has been tenderly sodomizing GM Hoffman for months, and this week was no exception. The only silver lining this week was that Penny got lit up against the Tigers, three of whose batters start for Hoffman's Fastballs. The other silver lining is that Penny might be hurt. "In the bullpen [before the game], I knew I probably shouldn't have went out there," Penny said. "But that would have out the team in a horrible position." With a less horrible start from Penny, the Fastballs might have been able to take WHIP and win the week 6-4. Ties are just not good enough for this fading franchise.


Other News and Notes

• Scuffie and Steaks pulled a perfect ying-yang tie, with Scufie taking all pitching categories, and Steaks taking all offensive categories. The recordbooks will show a tie, but the Steaks got lucky: he won the offensive categories by the skin of his teeth, and got blown out in pitching.
• Two trades went down this week, as the Fastballs dumped closers in a last ditch effor to salvage the season. In a somewhat surprising tacit acknowledgment of rebuilding, the Fasballs traded Putz-replacement closer Brandon Morrow for über-prospect Clayton Kershaw.
• With Ice "officially" announcing rebuilding this week, the league was once again forced to acknowledge that the notion of "announcing rebuilding" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
  
• Busey absolutely exploded on offense this week, leading the league in R, HR, and RBI.